Bokke Burglars

Was it a try, or was it not? That is the question that most British and Irish Lions fans will be asking after a fascinating second test which saw the visitors come agonising close to levelling the series.

There will be much analysis and debate over Jaque Fourie's game breaking try in the final 10 minutes, by both media and fans alike. However, nothing will change the result, or the fact that the Lions were burgled by a bunch of eye-gauging cavemen in green. Schalke Burger's onfield antics (or some would say "tactics") were dispicable and with Peter De Villiers not condemning his actions, really sums up what South African sportsmanship and integrity is all about! What a disgrace!
Rumour has it though, that the Springboks made the most of their dressing room celebrations with De Villiers taking on the role of chief fluffer before sending the boys into the showers to pick up the soap for big Bakkies Botha. Apparently a tradition for South African rugby boys!

The Lions now go into the final test with only pride to play for. Let's hope they pull off a win, not only for themselves, but more for their overweight, pasty supporters who have travelled to a "dump of a country" to fly their colours.

Never imagined I would say this........Go the Lions!

A Tennis Orgasm

The battles have commenced at Wimbledon and over the next 2 weeks we look forward to a feast of quality grass court tennis, strawberries and cream, Pimms, and of course we mustn't forget.......the orgasmic grunting.
What is it that causes a fine specimen of a woman to do this in front of thousands of spectators? Is it meant as a distraction to their opponent? Maybe it puts that little bit extra power into the shot? Whatever the reason, it's bloody annoying and listening to these women screaming like fornicating animals makes me cringe!

Anyway, back to the tennis. This years tournament in SW19 has been blown right open following the withdrawal of Rafael Nadal. This leaves Federer as the favourite, but with a fairly unsuccessful year to date he may be pushed close by the likes of Djokovic, Roddick, and home favourite Andy Murray.

The women's draw is a little more difficult to predict. Dinara Safina has been playing some great tennis this year and must go into the tournament as one of the main contenders. However, you can never write off the Williams sisters who have won 7 Wimbledon titles between them and are sure to challenge hard.

I can't resist a bet on Wimbledon so here we go again.

£5.00 to win on Juan Martin Del Potro @ 23/1

£5.00 to win on Dinara Safina @ 14/1

I leave you with some of the finest tennis orgasms to get you in the mood!

The Black Beast Awaits

The day has arrived!
Bethpage Black is the venue for the 109th US Open Championship. 156 players lay in wait with a chance to conquer what has become known as the “beast” of all golf courses. My mind is not on the balance sheet reports that lay on my desk, nor is it on my plans for the sunny weekend ahead. I think only of catapulting my ass out of this building at 3pm and planting it in front of a television showing channel 402.

Will the Tiger defend his title against the likes of Mickelson, Ogilvy, Furyk and co, or is it even possible that the aging Maori boy from Hawera, Michael Campbell can find some elusive form to push forward and grab his second US Open title? It is likely that Bethpage Black will be full of surprises to which outcomes can not be predicted. This is going to be friggin brilliant!

What sort of sporting event would it be without the odd bet though! So here we go………..Zacka’s bets for the 109th US Open Golf Tournament are as follows:

£1.00 each way on Steve Stricker @ 33/1

£1.00 each way on Camilo Villegas @ 46/1

£1.00 each way on Ian Poulter @ 67/1

£1.00 each way on Bubba Watson @ 151/1

And of course my patriotic bet goes to Michael Campbell, £1.00 each way @ a monstrous 501/1

Beware the Prowling Tiger

With the US Open only 2 days away all the talk is about Tiger Woods. The man is a machine and heads into the tournament with outright winner odds of only £3.00 (Betfair).

To remind you of the Tiger's capabilities what better shot to show than that on the 16th hole of the 2005 Masters. I'm sure you all remember!

Who will be tamed? Bethpage Black or the Tiger...........

Les Bleus and Brits

The past weekend saw some dominant performances from the sporting teams and individuals of the northern hemisphere. First up was the brilliant Andy Murray who became the first Brit to win at Queens Club in 71 years, after beating James Blake 7-5 6-4. With the absence of Nadal and Federer, Murray pretty much strolled through this tournament. Will he answer the prayers of so many desperate Brits and take out the Wimbledon title starting in 2 weeks?

Betfair says £5.30
Zacka says no chance, semis if he’s lucky!



Further north in London, England met India at Lords in the T/20 world cup for a crunch match to decide who would remain in the tournament. Collingwood’s overrated boys in blue went in as underdogs against Dhoni’s team of “sag aloo” munching superstars. England were put in to bat and posted a competitive 153-7 with that South African guy Pietersen top scoring with 46.
India seemed to be suffering from a dose of Delhi belly with the run chase, losing wickets regularly and batting as though their main objective was getting back to the pavilion for a squirt and a Harbjajan cooked korma. Some tight bowling from the hippie-haired Sidebottom restricted India to 150-5 to send Dhoni and co packing back to their villages in the Punjab region for the next series of Who Wants to be a Millionaire.



Further south (19,071 km to be exact) in Dunedin, the All Blacks were given a lesson in true grit and determination by a ruthless French outfit. Les Bleus defensive display was master class and key to containing the New Zealand backline. The men in black will have a lot to think about heading into next weeks test in Wellington trying to avoid a 0-2 series defeat. Another loss must be avoided at all costs to ensure the nation does not slide into mourning and come to a standstill. Kiwi supporters must not break tradition and as usual, should stay at home to watch the game rather than pay $50 to cheer there team on at the cake tin. It is this committed support that has by all means been key in winning ONE Rugby World Cup.
To top this wonderful day of NZ sport off, the Black Caps also put in a memorable performance on the cricket pitch to pretty much seal their exit from the T/20 world cup and join their Tasman neighbours at the Shepherds Bush Walkabout for £1 snakebites. BRAVO!

Obsessed Thoughts

Good riddance to the man with a face like an alsatians arse! Let's hope that all that money in Madrid will buy him a pair of footy boots that will keep him on his feet.







Getting boring now! It's about time Ferrari and McClaren put an end to this minor disruption and business as usual is restored before the Abu Dhabi GP.








Solid win for the boys in red against the Sharks, but still going to get bok-whipped 3-0 in the test series. 3/1 odds on that O'Driscoll is spear tackled by Smit and Steyn in the opening minute of the first test!






Another tenner gone!

Both Cambo and Danny Lee failed to make the cut in their respective tournaments last week.

Will I be having a punt on these boy again next week? Hell yeah!

Someone convinced me of the fact that Danny Lee could actually play golf! Seems that the New Zealand "choking" culture is slowly settling in. Should have taken up cricket and moved to Australia if he wanted to become a loser!










and finally............


What on earth is THAT!?!?

...hamburger?

...single-sliced toaster?

...John Senner's lips?

It seems as though even the lovely Sharapova can suffer from the odd outbreak of camel toe syndrome. That thing is munching!

I may now have to revise my Top 5 sporting babes.

A Dejected Australian

I wasn’t actually planning on writing a post about the Aussie cricket team today, but after seeing them crash out of the T/20 world cup at the hands of a dominant Sri Lanka, I felt it was too good an opportunity to let slip by without having a dig.

Talk about a pack of losers! What sort of Australian team doesn’t make it past the group stage of an international sports tournament?! They finally got what they deserved after all these years of bullying and arrogance, and to see them crash down to earth in such a humiliating way is nothing short of spectacular.

Yesterday, the great Ricky Ponting resembled a Borat in green and gold. He seemed unaccustomed to the environment and was completely clueless on how to control the game, as he has done so well in the past. Am I concerned about this? No chance! I think it’s bloody fantastic to see the arrogant prick have his ego forced down a few pegs.
As usual the weasel-faced Brad Haddin was on-form with his unsportsmanlike tricks in trying to claim an imaginary caught behind that could have swung the game in Australia’s direction. By the looks of his reaction, he knew damn well he could have thread a pumpkin between bat and ball. His intimidation tactics when barging into Kumar Sangakarra yesterday were disgraceful and his desperation to win seems to far outweigh the spirit in which the game should, and always has been played. I can only imagine Mr Haddin on the golf course. The guy would be shooting 18 under par if he had his way with scorecard and pen!

As for the fans of this overrated sports team, your time has also come. I don’t hear you singing anymore? Waltzing what? Did you say Matilda? I don’t think so losers! Bow your heads in shame, take it like real men and geezer birds, and starting facing the fact that you support a bunch of canary coloured muppets.

The one Aussie I will praise is a certain Brett Lee, who has been through some tough times recently after being dropped from the team and the break up of his marriage. Although it wasn’t his best performance, he always gives 100% and plays the game with a smile and in good spirit, which is a rare attribute for a baggy green cricketer these days.

All in all I think Australia’s ejection from the T/20 world cup has opened the tournament right up, with a number of teams that could potentially go on to win. This debate is for another day however……………best to spend the time poking fun at a dejected Australian loser because it doesn’t happen too often!

Top 5 Sports Obsessed Babes

Following an action-packed day of T/20 cricket and Formula 1, I felt the urge to focus my attention back to the one thing that can potentially compete with man's obsession for sport.......a sexy women!

Heck, could I be going soft?.....No way! Gimme a San Miguel and a rugby match any day (I think)!

So here you have my Top 5 sporting babes:



5/ Maria Kirilenko

Age: 22
Nationality: Russian
Sport: Tennis

Following a long line of Russian tennis beauties, Makiri (as she is known affectionately), won the 2002 US Open junior tournament. In 2006 she was selected to be the face of Adidas by Stella McCartney tennis range.





4/ Natalie Gulbis

Age: 26
Nationality: American
Sport: Golf

This sex symbol of the LPGA was shooting under par at the age of 10. Hasn't been turning too many heads with her golfing ability of late but her more personal assets seem to be causing plenty of neck problems for man and dyke.





3/ Maria Sharapova

Age: 22
Nationality: Russian
Sport: Tennis

Maria has 19 titles to her name, including 3 Grand Slam tournament wins, with career earnings in excess of $12,000,000. It is hard to tire when watching this sexy specimen in the whites of Wimbledon.






2/ Ana Ivanovic

Age: 21
Nationality: Serbian
Sport: Tennis

The stunning Serb and former world number 1 is surely responsible for a number of male bed wetting incidents. Her bumps, curves, and flirtatious smile, put her at the peak of tennis sexiness.






1/ Allison Stokke

Age: 20
Nationality: American
Sport: Athletics

This relatively unknown athlete from California is oozing sex and is no stranger to controlling a pole. She has broken several national records for her age division and is someone I look forward to seeing much more of in the future, preferably in Playboy magazine.

T/20 Cricket World Cup Predictions

Well the time has come where the shortest version of the game takes centre stage. Being the sports pundit I am (although not so successful), I have looked at the teams and come up with the following predictions for the tournament starting tonight.
Let’s hope the next couple of weeks are remembered for exciting, quality cricket, and not for drunken Aussie cricketers, glass smashing Jesse Ryder’s, or Pakistani players with genital warts.

Group A - India, Bangladesh, Ireland

Current World T/20 Champions, India are arguably the most complete squad in the tournament. Easiest group so should go through without breaking a sweat. A real dog fight on the cards for second spot in the group, with Bangladesh just edging the Irish out.

Group B – Pakistan, England, Netherlands

With Pakistan and England being very evenly matched teams it’s hard to pick this one. Looking at individual talent within the team and bearing in mind they have home advantage, I have a feeling England will pip this one to take top spot, with Pakistan being the other team going through.

Group C – Australia, Sri Lanka, West Indies

Easily the toughest group out of the four, the 2 top spots will be contested fiercely. Recent in-house problems, and loss of experience in the Australian camp could take their toll in this tournament and it’s hard to see them challenging the Sri Lankans for top spot. The Windies will push the boys from down-under close, but will fall just short courtesy of a Mitchell Johnson piece of magic.

Group D – New Zealand, South Africa, Scotland

South Africa has been the form team leading up to the start of the tournament and its hard imagine them not going all the way. However, NZ have produced the goods on more than one occasion against the Proteas on the world stage and with the likes of McCullum, Ryder, and Vettori hitting full stride, the Black Caps may pip this one to take out the group. South Africa to take second spot with Scotland back in the Highlands feasting on haggis by the end of next week.

Super 8’s – India, England, Sri Lanka, New Zealand, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Australia, South Africa

The business end of the tournament with some key match ups. I predict India will ease through this stage to book themselves a semi-final spot, while Australia will hit some form to join them in the final 4. For England, the campaign will end here for them and their loyal Barmy Army. Pakistan will also go out at this stage due to a sudden outbreak of “itchy crotch”, along with Bangladesh who will be on the same flight in the direction of South Asia. New Zealand and Sri Lanka will be the other two semi-finalists, leaving the Safas to contemplate another failure on the world cricket stage and looking forward to a Braai in South Wimbledon.

Semi-Finals – India v New Zealand, Australia v Sri Lanka

New Zealand to continue their T/20 dominance over the Indians courtesy of a McCullum/Ryder special. Victory celebrations that follow will spiral out of control and big Jesse will be on the first flight back to the land of the long white cloud and into rehab.
Australia and Sri Lanka will meet for the second time in the tournament, but this time with the Aussies coming out victorious. Ponting to pull out of the final following a blow to the head from a surprise Murali bouncer!

Final - New Zealand v Australia

The dream final and the one we all expected. New Zealand to win by 10 wickets to send the Australian population into national mourning. Come on, you didn’t really think I would bet against the Kiwis did you?!?!?!.........Patriotic prediction!

The Other Team in Manchester

Love them or hate them, when you hear the words “Manchester United”, “Man U”, or simply “United”, there is a sense of aura in the air. Now say “Manchester City”, “Man C”, or “City”. Do you get the same feeling? I think not! Aura is something that comes with success and power over a long period of time.

The football business in this part of the world is now a game for Millionaires, Billionaires, Oligarchs, or in other words…..people with tonnes of cash. But who in their right mind would think of buying a poxy little “also ran” club who has not won a major honour in 33 years, from a dingy hole of a city in the north of England? The answer – Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Nahyan, with an estimated personal fortune of £33 billion. It is this sort of money that enabled Manchester City to snap up superstar Robinho for a British transfer record £32.5 million, not forgetting about the reported £108 million audacious bid for Brazilian playmaker Kaka.

Sheikh Mansour and co has big plans for the club and seems to be assembling a good squad that could boost them into the top 6 next season. The recent signing of Gareth Barry was a good one for the club but in my opinion, not a good one for the man himself. If it was success and European football he was looking for, then maybe he should have signed with Liverpool or Tottenham who were keen on snapping him up and are teams that actually have more than a realistic chance of finishing up the ladder.
Although City has a string of “good” players, there is still a lack of “world class” performers (with exception of that greedy little weasel, Robinho) who can excel the club to the heights of English and European football.

If Sheikh Mansour is looking to build a successful team, then he will require more than cash. He must ensure that his acquisitions have a desire to be at the club, have a common vision, and are able to adapt to club values and lifestyle. He must also take a back seat and let his coaching staff do what they do best and assemble a team that can “win” football matches.

I had the pleasure of sitting with City fans a few years back at Selhurst Park during their match with Crystal Palace. It is their passion, humour and hospitality that makes them the best fans in England. Let’s hope they have something to celebrate soon!
I wish Manchester City Football Club all the best in achieving their objectives over the coming seasons and hope they can push the top teams in what has become the most exciting and competitive football league in the world. I also hope that they dish out a thrashing to the other team in Manchester on derby day. Do me a favour Richard Dunne and make sure that pathetic excuse for a man, Ronaldo, ends up on a stretcher along with a box of tissue in hand for the tears!

Sports Betting – Patriotism or Sense?

What seems to be the driver for making sports bets these days? Is it your patriotism or common sense? It’s fair to say that I do like to throw the odd bet down and in most instances the decision as to who I back is driven by my loyal patriotic streak. Let’s take golf for example. Michael Campbell has fallen from Champ to Chomp only 3 years after winning the US Open and is currently paying 301/1 to win this weeks Wales Open at Celtic Manor. However, no matter how many times my head tells me “no, no, no!” I find my Kiwi patriotic side prevails and end up throwing £1 each way on him. True, he maybe only a short time away from finding that incredible form that won him a grand slam tournament, which in turn would pay dividends for me, but at this time the odds are heavily stacked against him. Keep the faith Cambo, you'll be back!

So here goes…….Zacka’s bets this week are as follows:

£1.00 each way on Michael Campbell to win the Wales Open @ 301/1

£4.00 each way on Danny Lee to win the Memorial Tournament @ 126/1

Both of the above bets are patriotic as you have probably guessed by looking at the odds. I am a sports-mad, red blooded, loyal Kiwi without sense so am unable to place a bet that is likely to pay out. I have therefore asked my wife Irina to place a bet on my behalf. Wasn’t a bad one either!

Irina’s Bet:

£1.00 each way on Zach Johnson to win the Memorial Tournament @ 26/1

I leave you with a reminder of the good old times........aaaaah!

Sunshine, BBQ, and..............Sport

Well, what a sporting weekend it was here in sunny London. The BBQ was cranked up, TV set up outside and the fun began with the Edinburgh rugby sevens pool matches. Roared on by the home crowd, Scotland shocked a classy England outfit in the group stages and continued their run into the semis where they were denied their shot at glory by South Africa, losing 21-26. Apparently Waisale Serevi has been working with the Scots in an advisory role recently and going by the way they played I don't think it will be long before they are lifting their first sevens tournament cup.
A rejuvenated and powerful Fiji went on to beat South Africa 20-19 in the final in what turned out to be a very entertaining tournament.

All the talk over the past couple weeks has been about the British and Irish Lions tour of South Africa and going by what Will Greenwood and Dewi Morris have been saying, "have what it takes to clean up". Well, the courageous Royal XV very well nearly pulled one over these over-hyped Lions finally succumbing 25-37. Not the most exciting game but probably a good wake up call for the Lions against the weakest opposition they will face on this tour. Can't see them touching the the likes of Smit, Habana, Matfield, Spies and co in the tests matches so I'll put my neck out and predict a 3-0 series win to South Africa. Will Greenwood - You're a DICK!

Pierre Spies - What a machine! He's been a destroyer in the light blue jersey in this years Super 14, and I can see a stark resemblance to a rampant bull looking for blood in the streets of Pamplona. On Saturday however, it was blood on the pitch at Loftus Verfeld in Pretoria. I guess I was being more an optimist in thinking that the Waikato Chiefs actually had a chance against these Blue Bulls. The Chiefs scored first but that was pretty much it. The Bulls dominated after then and eventually ran out 67-17 winners. It was time to throw the bangers on the BBQ and reflect on this hugely disappointing match while listening to our South African neighbours celebrate. All in all it's been a great Super 14 tournament this year with a host of teams being in the running for a semi final spot come the final round. The Blue Bulls were deserved winners with a great season and securing wins in vital matches. Roll on next year!

Amongst all the rugby on Saturday the FA Cup final between Chelsea and Everton was thrown in somewhere. The rugby was given priority in my garden on the day so only watched highlights of this match. Apart from a very early goal (25 seconds) from Saha, Chelsea pretty much dominated the match as expected. Following the disappointment in the Champions League, the Blues from the bridge finally pick up some silverware keeping Mr Abramovich happy for a little longer and Guus flies back to Moscow to fulfil his commitment to the Russian Football Federation. Will we see him back? who knows, but we've seen in the past that money talks! Ancelotti is now the favourite to take over at Stamford Bridge having parted company with AC Milan. Will he provide the stability that Chelsea have been lacking over the past 2 years and ensure the boys in blue are serious contenders for the premiership title next year?!?!?!

In all honesty, thank God the football season is over. It's been a long one and I look forward to a summer of cricket with the Twenty/20 World Cup starting next week, and most importantly the Ashes series which to me is the pinnacle of test cricket.

Roll on a hot English summer with BBQ's, Beer, Bowls in Clapham Common and most importantly...............Sport!

Weekend Winners/Losers

Winners: Scotland - for an impressive home sevens tournament
Losers: The British and Irish Lions - no explanation needed!